Into the underworld

First and foremost let me introduce myself and clarify a few things.

My name is Kevin. I am tall dark and handsome with an impressionable nose…… or…… average height, resemble a Jesuit and have nostrels big enough to act as a piggy bank. There are hanful of things you need to know about me:

- I have no common sense.
- I am a lucky man and have impeccable friends / girlfriend / family.
- I believe there is no greater happiness in this world than that a dog experiences when you give him a bone and pat him on the belly. If you knew my dog you would agree.
- I know that ‘Yes man’ by Danny Wallace is the greatest book / life philosophy ever written

I am unfortunate in that I consider Henry Raley my friend. He is a spontaneous and amusing chap who has brought many a smile to my face. This was his idea and I hope to make him proud. I will inevitably win this challenge because he has the attention span of a fly. For that I apologise.

Now to the main event.

We are officially down to ‘24 things before 25’. I have now officially visited a strip club after years of successfully avoiding them without my fellow man friends noticing.

I was hoping that this would be a family friendly blog, something that I could show to my 14 year old sister. Unfortunately, Henry got me drunk, dragged me to Browns (a reputable institution if I may say so) and I marvelled in the many things a woman can do to maintain a man’s gaze. I have to say… some of the ladies were very friendly… but in general there was a pretty seedy vibe in the place. Most memorable moment you might ask? Well... Henry did try and take pictures of a lady and they threatened him with violence. I tried to convince a drunk 50 year old man that he should stop shouting at a naked lady; she was trying her best. He did not listen. Henry tried to get a discount private dance but they got angry. I got confused as to why they kept coming up to me with pint glasses and asking for money.

A man in the club, upon seeing that i was an amateur, very kindly gave me the following advice for next time: 

• Dont ask for a 'date'
• Get the lowdown - whatever that means
• Dress appropriately. The better the look the better class of women you attract. I was in a ripped t shirt and henry looked like a 17 year old tramp
• Walk around like you own the place (I currently have a limp so that came naturally)

On the way back I tried to climb a spikey fence and hurt myself. Henry did not sympathise so I hit his kebab out of his hands. Then Henry hit me a little bit.

Right... now for the audience participation:

Competition of the week: Since we do not have a picture of the strippers…. Here is a picture of my dog. First person to submit a picture of a cooler dog (that they own) gets a NAKED LADY PEN in the post. If the winner is a woman and they ask nicely ill get them a NAKED MAN PEN.

Moral of the day  – You can say that exotic dancers are mindless hunnies… but they have lots of monies.

Im off to a faraway land for xmas but come the new years we promise there will be a weekly post... competitions to be won... fun times to be had. People are welcome to join our anticipated Yoga session (second week of January). Should it be Bickram? Should Henry wear spedo's?
Merry xmas.

K + H